


Catching Up

by MonPetitTresor



Series: Sam is Sigyn [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Leviathans, Purgatory, The Cage, The Winchesters' Messed up Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-10-30 04:34:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10869222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonPetitTresor/pseuds/MonPetitTresor
Summary: The boys finally catch Gabriel up on everything he's missed, and later Sam offers what little comfort he can.





	1. Chapter 1

The peace they found that night around the bonfire was one that the group knew wasn’t going to last. There was too much going on and too many things between them all for any kind of peace to stick around. But their next little bump in the road wasn’t because of the fallen angels, or Metatron, or even from Sam’s dreams. No, it came from one simple, innocent question from Gabriel.

It was a couple days after their bonfire meal. During that time, they’d been plotting more and more on how to help the current angels on earth, and Sam had been building an idea in the back of his head that he thought _might_ work. But that night, when they were all sitting down together for dinner in what was quickly becoming a nightly ritual, Gabriel brought up the one question that Sam had sincerely hoped to avoid. One that he’d hoped his brother would have already handled for him, or Castiel, or literally _anyone_ other than him.

“So,” Gabriel said, tearing a piece off of his roll and dunking it down into the homemade minestrone that Sam had made for them – a recipe he’d picked up from his time while Dean was in purgatory. The archangel made a happy noise when he took his bite. Then he looked up at them, giving his fingers a lick. “I think I’ve been pretty patient so far, but I gotta admit, not knowing is killing me.” He picked up another piece of his roll and tilted his head just right, slanting a look up at the rest of them. “Is anyone going to bother telling me how exactly it is you bozos managed to stop the Apocalypse?”

The effect is question had was immediate. Sam, Dean, and Castiel all froze. Their eyes lifted at almost the same time and went directly to each other, a silent checking in, a _‘You didn’t tell him?’ ‘No, I thought you did!’_ that went back and forth between the three. It wasn’t hard to figure out that each one had thought that the other would say something. When they realized they hadn’t, their eyes went to Gabriel, who was watching them with a raised eyebrow. “Wow.” Gabriel carefully drawled the word. “You guys do realize how creepy that is, don’t you?”

Castiel made a low, humming sound, one that he’d taken to doing when uncomfortable. It triggered something in the back of Sam’s head each time he did it. Memories of the Cage, of the melodies that had been in each archangel’s grace. Did Cas make that sound now as a sort of substitute for the loss of his own grace, his own melody? Did seraphs have the same kind of melody to them, or was that just an archangel thing? Those questions were cut short in Sam’s head when Castiel looked right to him and said, “I’m sorry if I was wrong, Sam, but I told Gabriel that it was your story to tell. I didn’t feel it was… my right.”

Well, that was – that was nice, in a way. It was more respect than Sam was usually granted. He knew his surprise showed on his face. At the same time, he kind of wished this wasn’t the one time that someone had decided to respect his right to choose.

There was no way to get around this. They were going to have to tell Gabriel, and judging by the way everyone was watching him, it was going to fall to Sam to do it. Great. Just great. Because this was what he _always_ wanted to talk about. Sam took a deep breath and carefully set his spoon down. Just like last time, when explaining about Sigyn, he knew that blunt was the way to go. Get it all out before Gabriel got the chance to speak or really react. “I said yes.” He blurted out. He watched Gabriel flinch back from it, his mouth actually falling open at the words, and it made it hard but Sam kept going. “I told him yes and then I managed to gain control, but only after he killed Bobby and Cas, and almost beat Dean to death. Then I pulled out the rings, opened the door, and jumped in. Michael tried to stop us and he ended up falling with us instead.”

“Son of a bitch.” Gabriel looked gob smacked. There was too much shock for temper to break through yet, or anything else, and Sam was grateful for it. That meant he could keep going without the archangel stopping him. His words came out a bit faster in his effort to just get this over with.

“Cas tried to pull me out, but he only pulled out my body. My soul stayed down there for a year and a half until Dean made a deal with Death and got my soul out. Death put up a wall to keep my Hell memories at bay, but it… broke.”

“I broke it.” Castiel interjected. He looked at Sam with sorrowful eyes, so full of regret. “If we’re going to confess here, Sam, it’s only right my part is accurately portrayed. I broke your wall.”

“Wait a second. You’re telling me you… you got control back from my brother, jumped into the pit with _both_ of them, and you were down there for a _year and a half_?” The words throbbed in the air between them. Sam watched Gabriel’s face, saw the lines around his eyes and the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed as if trying not to be sick. It was such a human reaction, a tell to just how upset he really was here. In the back of his eyes shone power – archangel, trickster, both of them – and there was a promise on his face of rage underneath. A need to go out and cause harm against whoever had dared harm those he cared for.

Cynical as it was, Sam couldn’t help but wonder if Gabriel would really care that much if Sam wasn’t also Sigyn. Would this still bother him as much?

Pain flashed over Gabriel’s face and he winced, like he’d caught that thought, or saw something of it on Sam’s face. “Sammy…” A shudder ran down Gabriel’s body. This – this being right here wasn’t one that the others at the table had seen before. This wasn’t the archangel Gabriel that Castiel had once known, or the trickster that the Winchesters had met. This was just, Gabriel, Loki, at his most open and honest. “I never wanted you to have to do that, sweetheart.”

“What other choice did we have?” Dean interjected. His words were harsh, showing his own pain. He never did well with pain, or with guilt. Anger was always easier for him. “Did you really think we’d be able to, what? Trick the freaking _devil_? Sam’s stupid plan was the only one we had.”

Sam turned his gaze down to stare at his soup. It’d lost its appeal the minute they started talking about this, yet it was better than looking at all the pain on Gabriel’s face. “It was my mistakes that put us there. I had to fix it.”

“Like hell!” Dean snapped, at the same time that Gabriel was saying, “No, Sam. No.”

The young hunter shook his head. “It was, and we all know it. But I fixed it. I put him back in there. And it worked out in the end – Cas got me out. Even if he didn’t get all of me.”

It was obvious that Gabriel didn’t want to let that go. The charged feeling in the air made that clear. Yet, he must’ve sensed that Sam had been pushed as far as he could on that, because he took the subject change and went with it, moving on to the next part that obviously bothered him. “So, you spent a year and a half soulless up here, and then you got your soul back. What’s this about breaking his wall, though?”

What came next was something that Castiel was more than a little ashamed of. Sam held himself still as he listened to Castiel talk about that time, about the war in Heaven and his fight against Raphael, and their attempts to get into Purgatory – as well as his breaking Sam’s wall as a distraction. And then he spoke of what had happened when he’d been consumed by the souls.

That story seemed to be when it became too much for Gabriel. He shot up from his seat and stormed away, slamming his bowl down into the sink, and Sam couldn’t help but flinch. He looked up to find that Gabriel was in full archangel mode. There was anger on his face, in every line of his body, and yet there was more to it. There was grief. So much grief. “How stupid could you be, Castiel? There’s a reason no one messes with Purgatory! Do you even realize how dangerous that place is? The damage you did was bad enough! IT could’ve been so much worse!”

“Oh trust me, we know.” Dean threw in. He was leaning closer to Castiel, ready to protect him, but he seemed to know the same thing that Sam did – they needed to get the rest of the story out.

Sam made a split second decision and lifted a hand, stretching it out towards Gabriel. He let his heart lead him for just this once, not his head. His eyes were steady as he stared at the archangel, hand still out, waiting. Gabriel looked down at that hand and then up at Sam’s face. The way he was looking at him made it clear he knew that there was worse to come. When he lifted his own hand, there was no sign of any tremor, but Sam felt it when their palms touched. Carefully, he drew Gabriel towards him, pulling the being in close to his side. Gabriel moved woodenly, yet he still came, letting Sam pull him in and then wrap an arm around his waist. In response, Gabriel’s arm came around Sam’s shoulder. The touch was so much more intimate than either one had earned with the other, at least in this lifetime, yet Sam knew that Gabriel needed it right now. Especially for what was left to come.

There, with Gabriel pressed against him, the trio finished off their story. They told Gabriel everything that had happened, every single bit of it, right up through the Trials. They told him the broad strokes of it all, enough for him to know without making it too much. The whole time, Sam held him. He kept him close as he felt Gabriel’s body tremble, as he felt the way he turned rock hard in an effort to keep his emotions locked inside. Sam felt it, and he hated it.

He hated it even more when they were done and Gabriel pulled away from him with only a “I, I need…” and then the archangel was gone.

Still, as much as he hated it, Sam understood it. He knew just how much this was to take in, and he knew that Gabriel had never handled pain well, especially if others could see it. When he looked to the others, he found Castiel looking devastated, and Dean looking a cross between upset and protective as he leaned in by his angel. Sam focused on Castiel, offering him a gentle smile. “It’s okay, Cas. He’ll be back.”

“He is angry.” Castiel said simply.

Sam didn’t bother denying it. “Yeah. He is. But he’ll come back. He just needs time to process. We just threw years’ worth of shit at him. That’s a lot to take in and he needs time to do it.”

That seemed to pacify Castiel, at least a little. He nodded at Sam and relaxed minutely. Still, it wasn’t much later that he got up from the table and left. When Dean looked at Sam, obviously torn, the younger Winchester nodded at him, signaling to him to go. In a flash Dean was up and going after his friend.

Sam took his time cleaning up the kitchen and putting their dishes away when he was done. Then he took himself down the hall and grabbed a shower, needing the warmth of the water. This hadn’t been easy for him, either. The heat of his shower helped, as did the warm clothes he dressed in afterwards.

When Sam finally made his way back to his room, he wasn’t the least bit surprised to open his door and find someone sitting on his bed. He probably should have been, yet he wasn’t. Sam looked Gabriel over and then simply stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. There was something on Gabriel’s face that Sam recognized. Not because of the memories, but because he’d seen that look on his own face, or on his brother’s, many times before. It was the look of someone who was hurting and lost, and who didn’t know how to reach out to the people around them. Someone who needed _something_ to ground them against all the hurt they felt.

Sam only had a second’s debate before he came to the only decision he knew he could. He dropped his dirty clothes into the hamper, flicked off the light, and made his way over to the bed. He heard Gabriel make a surprised sound and just ignored it. When he grabbed the blankets and pulled them back, they met resistance from where they were pinned under Gabriel’s weight. “Lift up for a minute. I’m not sleeping on top the blankets.” Sam said.

Surprise – or the need that Gabriel probably didn’t want to admit to – had Gabriel lifting himself up. Sam pulled the blankets back and then climbed down into his bed. He felt as Gabriel’s weight settled back nearby. The archangel wasn’t saying anything, wasn’t reaching for him, and Sam knew he was going to have to steer this. Gabriel was still trying to respect Sam’s boundaries here. Anything different was going to have to be up to him to initiate.

That was fine. Sam was used to dealing with emotionally stunted people. What he knew of Gabriel told him the best way to handle this. “I’m always cold after talking about these things, or thinking about them.” Sam admitted quietly, his voice still somewhat loud in his dark and silent room. “I’ll probably try to curl into you somehow, just fair warning. Once or twice I’ve woken up burrowed half under Dean after a bad nightmare.”

“Are you… asking me to cuddle you?” Gabriel asked. He was trying for snark, for teasing, and it fell far short of the mark. Yet Sam didn’t call him on it. He just laid down and pulled the blankets up, humming a sound that could be taken as agreement.

He waited, laying there as relaxed as he possibly could. It only took a few minutes before Gabriel’s weight shifted and he slowly, cautiously, fitted himself against Sam’s back. He hesitated a moment more and then, when Sam did nothing, slipped his arm around the hunter’s waist.

The two laid there for a while without saying anything to each other.

When Gabriel broke the silence, it was with a random question that Sam hadn’t quite been expecting. “This was what Dean thought you were dreaming about the other morning.”

“Yeah.” Sam said softly. “I… Cas took the crazy, but he didn’t take everything. He couldn’t. I still… I remember, but mostly at night, when I’m dreaming. Otherwise, it takes the right kind of trigger during the day to set me off. If you ask Dean, he’ll let you know what they are. I don’t, I don’t like to talk about them.”

He felt Gabriel’s arm tighten briefly around him. “Okay, kiddo.” He sighed out a breath that ruffled Sam’s hair and scooted in even closer. When he spoke again, it was just a whisper. “I’m so sorry, Sam.”

Neither one of them said anything after that.

In the morning, they’d go back to the way things were. Likely, they wouldn’t even acknowledge this. Gabriel wasn’t the type to admit to weakness and the only thing letting him do it now was Sam’s pretext that it was for _him_ , though they both knew the truth of the matter. Gabriel needed the comfort of a body next to his. Of Sam’s body. He needed to know that he was here, he was okay, and that the archangel didn’t have to be alone. Sam could give him that.

Allowing himself to be held close, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, more peaceful than he’d been for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This didn't fit right with the way I want to do the next story - it fit better adding it on here. So, here you go!

Just like Sam had figured, they didn’t speak about their sleeping arrangements the next morning. Sam wasn’t even surprised to wake up and find himself alone. The other half of the bed was still warm, and that made him smile, even if probably shouldn’t have. It was just… it’d felt so good to have Gabriel there beside him as he went to sleep, and to know that he’d stayed the night there was even better. It was the best night of sleep that Sam could remember having in a long time.

He let himself take his time as he got up and got dressed. This feeling wasn’t going to last, he knew. There was just too much on their plates right now that they had to handle; plenty would be waiting for him once he left the room. So Sam took his time getting ready for the day and just sort of basked in the calm, well-rested feeling that he had.

When he finally made his way out to the main library, he hadn’t expected to find Dean, Gabriel, and Castiel already there talking and waiting.

They all looked up at his entrance and Sam felt a little disconcerted by the way they looked at him. Castiel looked… stunned. Stunned and almost hopeful. Dean had a crooked grin on that Sam knew meant he was feeling a lot better than he had been. That grin was more real than any Sam had seen lately. But it was Gabriel who really had Sam wondering what the hell was going on. The archangel looked a lot better than he had the last time Sam had seen him.

One look at them all smiling his way and Sam couldn’t help his cautious, “What’s going on?”

“Time for a little pow-wow, Samarooni!” Gabriel called out cheerfully. If he was bothered at all by yesterday’s conversation, he wasn’t showing it, at least not too much. There was a certain dullness to the light in his eyes, an edge to his smile, that told Sam the thoughts were still there under the surface. He was just pushing them down in that way of his that they wouldn’t be able to pull him out from. He needed to process this all on his own. That was fine by Sam, he didn’t really want to talk about it anyways. Talking about it yesterday had been more than enough.

“A pow-wow?” Sam made his way towards the table carefully. The only open seat was near Dean, which put him a little ways away from Gabriel and right across from Castiel. Their hopefulness was enough that Sam swore he could feel it in the air. He just wasn’t sure he trusted it.

Dean took pity on him and told him “Gabe here thinks he might have a way to get Heaven back open again.”

“We open that bad boy back up, it’ll help fix a lot of our other problems.” Gabriel sounded so proud of himself there, and just a bit smug.

Despite how happy everyone looked, Sam still couldn’t quite bring himself to feel that kind of hope yet. There was always a catch to these sorts of things. Always some sort of price that needed to be paid – and he and Dean were usually he ones that ended up paying. What was this going to cost them? Sam worried about it as he sank down into his chair. His worries must’ve been easy to read, or Gabriel was powerful enough to be picking up on his thoughts again – he wasn’t quite sure what was going on there, or that he really wanted to know – because Gabriel gave him a smile that was actually less snarky than he’d expected and more reassuring. “Calm down, big boy. I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy, but the likelihood of you two mooks being hurt is pretty slim. No, this time it’s Cassie and I that get to take the risk.”

“You say that like it’s going to make me feel any better about the situation.” Sam said dryly. “That’s not really a better outcome in my books.”

Gabriel scoffed at him and waved a hand dismissively in the air. “That’s because you Winchesters think self-sacrifice is the only way to go.”

“No. It’s because I’m not all that eager to watch anyone in my family get screwed over more than they already have.”

His words effectively silenced Gabriel. He and Castiel were both looking at Sam with stunned looks on their faces. Dean wasn’t. As little as he may like Gabriel most of the time, he understood the score. The look that he gave Sam made that clear. Castiel – Castiel was family, had been family for quite a while now. As for Gabriel, well, reluctant ally might’ve been the term for him before, but this new connection between him and Sam plus what he’d done to save Sam after the Trials, he was just as much a part of their family now. Dean might’ve fought it more if it wasn’t for this thing between Sam and Gabriel. He knew his brother well enough to know that Sam had been attached before all this started to happen. These dreams, it was only making that attachment grow.

Castiel was the one to break the silence. His voice was lower than normal, huskier, as he said “Thank you, Sam.”

“We gonna sit here feeling our feelings, or are you actually going to tell us what the plan is?” Dean interjected.

That line – it was such a _Bobby_ thing to say it left Sam choked up for a moment. Almost as much as the warm look that was in Gabriel’s eyes. For a brief second his features softened into something that Sam had seen before in his dreams. Just hints of it, yet, it warmed him. The pessimistic side of him whispered that there was no way that look was for Sam, that it was still all for Sigyn, but he managed to silence it. Questioning it constantly was going to get him nowhere.

“The plan’s pretty simple.” Gabriel said in answer to Dean’s question. “The thing is, even with the angel tablet Metty isn’t stronger than an archangel. Oh, sure, he knows spells and such, but that doesn’t make him stronger. Power to power, I’ve got him beat, hands down, and he knows it. That’s why a direct confrontation won’t work. We’re going to have to trick the little bastard on down to us.”

“How do you plan on doing that?” Dean asked.

Only, as Sam looked at the angels, he knew. He knew what their answer was even before Castiel spoke up and calmly said “By using me as bait.”

Almost instantly Dean was shoving forward in his chair and protesting. “No! No way are we letting you take Cas and use him as freaking _bait_!”

Gabriel arched an eyebrow at him. “ _Let_ me? Kiddo, I hate to break it to you, but Cassie boy here has this strange thing called _Free Will_. Something I’d thought you’d be pretty intimate with, seeing as how you fought against a whole damn apocalypse for it. There’s no ‘letting’ anyone here. This was the plan the two of us came up with, _together_ , and he’s well aware of the risks.”

“Gabriel has made quite clear what risks I will be taking.” Castiel said, still calm even in the face of Dean’s obvious anger. He turned his focus to the older Winchester and it was as if they shut out the rest of the world in that moment. “This is my choice, Dean. What has happened to my family, it’s in direct result of the poor choices that I made. How can I turn away any chance to fix it?”

“This wasn’t your fault!” Dean snapped at him. “You were manipulated into it, Cas! That doesn’t make it your fault.”

The seraph shook his head. “Manipulation or no, the fault still lies with me. My grace is what was used to lock down Heaven. I’m sorry, Dean, but I have to try.”

The words sounded so familiar to Sam. Oh, not the grace part, but the rest of it. He’d been in this same sort of position before. He knew what it felt like to be responsible for so much pain and suffering. To know that, even though you were manipulated there, the fault was still yours. _“I let him out. I got to put him back in._ ” Those were the words that Sam had said to Dean so long ago. Lifetimes ago, it felt like.  Sam had meant them more than anything. Even now, even knowing intimately what he’d go through by making that choice, it was the choice he would make all over again. The apocalypse, that had been his fault, his mess, and he’d needed to clean it up. Looking at Castiel now, Sam saw the same guilt there, the same determination, and he knew what they had to do.

“Dean.” The sound of Sam’s voice cut Dean off mid rant. The older Winchester swung his gaze Sam’s way. Whatever he saw on Sam’s face had him growling. “Not you too!” He snapped.

Sam ignored the others. Curling his hands together on top the table, he focused on his brother. “It’s his choice.”

“It’s the _wrong_ choice!”

There was so much pain in Dean’s voice. It made Sam ache. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and try to soothe his brother somehow. He just, he knew that touch wouldn’t be accepted. It never was with them. Not in moments like these. Instead, he had to settle for words, and hope that he found the right ones. Keeping his voice calm, Sam gently said, “You told me once that I was a grown man, and that if it was what I wanted, you’d back my play.” He watched the way Dean’s face spasmed, the pain that flashed even brighter over it, and he knew his brother was remembering. Because of that, Sam gentled his voice even more. “Your support was one of the things that gave me the strength to do what I did, Dean. If you hadn’t… I don’t know that I would’ve done it. I would’ve tried, but I don’t know if I would’ve managed. Cas…” Briefly, Sam flicked his gaze over to the two silently watching, to Castiel’s intense blue eyes that were watching so carefully, and then he brought his gaze back to his brother. As much as he hated this, he made himself say the words he had to. “Cas is going to do this whether you like it or not. That kind of guilt… it’s torture to live with. Even if people tell you that you shouldn’t feel it, it’s still there, and you can barely breathe around it. I know what that’s like. You’re not going to be able to stop him from doing this. The only thing you can do is help support him and do your best to make sure he makes it through okay.”

Silence fell over the library. Dean stared at Sam for a long moment. It wasn’t hard for Sam to read the pain in Dean’s eyes. He knew how his brother felt about Castiel. Everyone knew, even if Dean didn’t realize they did. This had to be agony for him.

But after a moment Dean’s shoulders slumped and Sam saw him briefly close his eyes in defeat. When he opened them again, he straightened himself back up as well, every inch the soldier that life had made him in to. He spun to Castiel, lifting a finger and pointing at him. “You go into this, you damn well better plan on coming back out, you hear me? I’m tired of the stupid, suicidal plans. You do this, you’re not dying on me, are we clear?”

“Yes, Dean.” Castiel said solemnly.

Beside him, Gabriel nodded, for once just as serious as the rest of them. “I’ll do everything in my power to make sure of that, Deano.”

“Good.” Dean glared at them both one last time. Then, before anyone could say anything, he spun around and marched away. Sam watched him go with an ache in his chest. All too often Dean had to be the one to watch as people he cared about pulled stupid stunts that put them at risk, or that took them away from him. As much as Sam knew it hurt to be the one sacrificing themselves, he also knew what it was like to be the one left behind. To be the person who had to pick themselves up and keep on going. Sometimes, he wasn’t quite sure which one was worse.

Blinking his eyes to clear away the memories, he found both Castiel and Gabriel watching him. It was Castiel who spoke, his voice low and full of emotion that Sam didn’t want to quite put words to. “Thank you, Sam.”

“If there’s anyone that can understand the need to make things right, it’d be me.” Sam said. “I may not like it, but I’ll respect your choice.”

“Thank you.” Castiel repeated.

Sam shrugged one shoulder. “It’s what family does. We’ll respect your right to choose, Cas. But, that means that you’re going to have to respect our right to choose as well. Because you damn well better believe we’re not letting you be bait all by yourself. That’s _our_ choice.” Sam said that last part firmly, making it clear that he wasn’t going to be moved on this. On the tail end of such massive support for Castiel’s personal choice, there was no way for either angel to protest what Sam said, for them to argue against him coming, and they all knew it. He hadn’t been lying when he’d told Dean that they had to respect Castiel’s choice – however, he’d made his point a little more firmly than he might’ve otherwise, just to make sure that the two would understand when it got to this point that Sam wasn’t going to be moved. There was no way for them to insist that the Winchesters couldn’t be there without giving them leverage to insist on Castiel not being there.

A hint of pride was in Gabriel’s eyes. He smiled at Sam, even going so far as to lift his hands and clap. “Well played, kiddo.”

Smiling, Sam ignored his words and instead folded his arms onto the table so he could lean forward and better rest on them. “All right. So, tell me about this plan of yours…”


End file.
